Cancer Normalcy?

I apologize for my lack of posts lately. With the start of the school year, helping my dear friend get ready for her wedding (1 week from today!), and travelling back to Chicago for Labor Day, my life has been lived out of my classroom and suitcases. And here I am, finally, with a Saturday to myself. Although, I do have a list to accomplish...I can blog first though :)

Forewarning: this is going to be a bit lengthy. I haven't discussed any of this with others yet, so it is a bit raw and honest.

The past few days I've been thinking about just how "normal" this cancer journey has been for my family. Of course things have changed in our lives; but it all has been for the better.

~I was already super close with my family, but we now have a strengthened bond that will never tear us apart.
~I already had faith that God was in control, but now I have placed my whole future in his hands.
~I already knew that we had amazing friends and family, but I now know that the people stepping up to walk this journey with my mom are some of the strongest, most beautiful and wonderful people this earth has seen.
~I already knew that cancer was a killer, but now I know that it CAN and WILL be defeated.

There are 2 things I still struggle with, however. First, is the stares towards my mom when she is out in public with just a scarf around her head. More than 12 million people in the United States have survived cancer (source), so chances are that everyone knows SOMEONE that has been through this journey. So...why should a bald woman surprise them? Maybe it's me just being biased, but my mom is way more beautiful without hair. Why? Because of the symbol of it. It symbolizes her strength, courage, and hope. I feel like, instead of staring, how about you do one of these other options:

1. Walk up to her and ask her how she's doing. OR
2. Smile at her. OR
3. Say a silent prayer to yourself for her future and health.

I hate seeing the look of uncomfortableness on her face when she notices someone is just in a deadlock stare. She doesn't deserve that. No cancer patient does. Frustration #1.

The second thing I struggle with is where some of my friends have gone? I have several friends that I have not heard one word from since I told them about my mom's diagnosis 5 months ago. These were childhood friends. Not a call to see how mom is doing? Not a card? Not even contacting my mom in some way? I wish I had answers for that one. Are they one of those people that is just uncomfortable with this kind of stuff and doesn't know how to reach out? Okay. I can deal with that. The phone works both ways, I guess I can pick up the phone and call them. But what do I say? "Hey, haven't heard from you since my mom was diagnosed. Mind if I update you about all the shitty stuff going on?" Awkward. I'd rather pick up the phone and call my mom to talk to her for hours on end! Are they just not the kind of friends I thought they were? Hurtful, but I guess in the long run, it will be okay because I've learned who my real, amazing friends are. And I do have quite a few of them that have been so supportive and my strength at times.

Despite those two things I just can't wrap my head around (and sometimes I do let them get to me), things really are normal for my family. My mom is still a huge goof-ball and finds the humor in everything she does. My dad and brother are still nerds that trick my mom into watching something Sci-Fi in the evenings, I'm still super busy with teaching and maintaining some kind of normalcy on the other side of the country from my family, and we're all still bugging my dad for a dog (after mom beats cancer though).

I know this post seems a little about "me," when my mom is the one with cancer, but like I've said before in my blog, my blog is mine about her cancer journey. She has her own blog that you can read here. As a care-giver, I experience my own emotions, struggles, joys, and frustrations. My every thought consumes my mother and her health. But a good piece of advice was given to me early on in my mom's battle: "Don't forget to take care of yourself." And that advice was given to my by my mother, of course.

I found this on pinterest about a month ago, and have since printed it out. It now sits on my desk at my apartment, and I look at it to remind me that our family would not have been dealt this crappy hand in life unless God thought we could win it. And my family loves games. This is just normal for us. Game on, cancer.

xoxo

Birthday Blessings

Yesterday was happy 25th to ME! :)

I'm not old at all. But as the years go by (heck, as the DAYS go by), I start to see the changes in myself that I never thought possible, nor ever entertained the idea of. I always thought I knew who I was, but the gal I am today is a far cry from the old-me.

Here are five of the most important things I've learned up until the ripe, young age of 25:

1. I can juggle many things in life, more than I thought I ever could - as long as I'm positive about it all.

2. Life has become much more fun ever since I just let go of my fears, insecurities, and negativity. Saying "yes" has lead to much more rewarding moments and greater memories than saying "no" ever did.

3. I am in control of who I let into my life. If I continue to let someone in even though they hurt me or are negative, then I shouldn't complain about them.

4. Sometimes you have to let go of someone you love. When you've given all you have to someone, and it's still not enough, you need to just let go. It will, by far, be one of the hardest things you ever will do in life, and the scars will always be there, but one day you will heal. And when you're healed, you're heart will finally be ready to love again, and the wait will be worth it.

5. Always be grateful for the small things in life. Doing so makes even the darkest of days bearable.


My birthday was seriously so amazing this year. To kick it off, I got a great package of gifts in the mail from my family, then some of my students sang "happy birthday" to me on Friday. I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work (also from the fam). Saturday (my actual birthday), I slept in until 11, skyped with my beautiful momma, relaxed around my apartment, went shopping, then got pampered at DryBar with Erin to go out for the night. My cousin Jim, his wife Erin, and my friends Lauren, Michael, Amanda and her boyfriend Carlos helped me ring in 25 years of life with dinner and a champagne bar afterwards. I got amazingly thoughtful presents and cards.

But the best gift I received was Sunday morning as I checked my mailbox (which I of course hadn't checked in almost 2 weeks...whoops!), and saw that I had a slew of birthday cards from family and friends from all over the country. I didn't even get through opening half of them before I started crying. The fact that so many people had taken time out of their busy lives to actually write a card and mail it meant the world to me.

After several really bad dates, I did start wondering when I would find "the one" or just any good guy. I started thinking "when will my life be complete?" But after an amazing 25th birthday surrounded by loved ones (in person and through cards), my mind has totally changed. When I got about half way through the cards, I cried happy tears because it hit me that my life already is complete. My family, my friends, a rewarding job, a place to call home, food on my table...oh the list could go on. I am so abundantly blessed. I don't think at 25 years old, many people today can say that. My life is good, and anything or anyone else that comes into my life is just an extra cherry on top!

Thank you to all for the birthday wishes, blessings, and love. I have a feeling this is going to be an amazingly wonderful year!

xoxo

Turning junk into beauty...on my own!

While I've been back in Illinois for the summer, I've been stock-piling up on things to get all crafty with! Summer is the perfect time for teachers to do things for themselves, and already a few weeks in, and I have the longest "to do" list I think I've ever made. But I'm excited for ALL of it! It also doesn't hurt that even though I'm almost 25 years old, I still have the talent of batting my eyelashes oh-so-perfectly at my dad, and he'll still fork over some cash for me to purchase my craft supplies. Shhh...don't tell him to read this blog entry ;)

So, I've collecting scraps, junk, knick-knacks, and just plain old crap - to turn into little gems of beauty :)

Here is my pile of shit-to-do:

Paint and distress large frame. Then paint a canvas to go inside.
Clean rust off of tin frame. Take mirror out and replace with chalk board.
Make fall wreath.
Create paper crafts from old books.
Bachelorette party games.
Frames for learning objectives for my classroom.
Sew my first quilt.
Sew a new maxi dress.

Yeah. I told you. Crap. But beautiful crap.

Stay on the look-out for blog entries of each project I do. I'll try and do tutorials for most of them!

xoxo