Something Beautiful

All this "spring cleaning" and getting rid of the clutter within my "rut" lately, I've been so focused on the JUNK of it all. What kind of crap am I going to find that I just need to get rid of? What should I donate because I just don't love it anymore? Is this messiness ever going to end?!

I forgot to stop and think about all the really special things I just might find. Things that got tucked away for me to look at later, but I never found the time. Things that I stored away because I cherished it and life, sadly, somehow got in the way of treasuring it due to my horrible memory and consistent need to be on the go and look for the next best thing.

Today was a day of finding some really special "things." Some things that are truly too beautiful for me to have forgotten about, and have now found a new home out in the open for me to look at everyday. Among these things are a shoebox full of all the cards that my mom, dad, and brother wrote me (birthday, graduation, and the letters from when I moved away to college, telling me how much they'll miss me and how much I mean to them. TOTALLY got teary eyed reading them!), and a little toy my Grandpa Ace made for me (he was always tinkering around after retirement, and would make his own toys from scratch. I somehow managed to keep one after all these years. So special and one of a kind.)

But the most beautiful thing I found today while cleaning out my desk and underneath my bed, is a prayer. I don't remember where I got it from, but I know I've had it at least since the 5th grade (roughly 1997-1998).

"Lord, I want to love you, yet I'm not sure how.
I want to trust you, yet I'm afraid of being taken in.
I know I need you, yet I'm ashamed of the need.
I want to pray, yet I'm afraid of being a hypocrite.
I need my independence, yet I fear to be alone.
I want to belong, yet I must be myself.
Take me, Lord, yet leave me alone.

O Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.
O Lord, if you are there, you do understand, don't you?
Help me work it out in my own way, but don't let me go.
Let me understand myself, but don't despair.

Come unto me, O Lord, I want you there.
Lighten my darkness, but don't dazzle me.
Help me to see what I need to do, and give me the strength to do it.
O Lord, I believe; help thou unbelief."

There is no author or credit to this prayer, in fact, it was typed on computer paper. Simple white paper and black ink. A little worn and torn around the edges, and yet the words are brand new to me, just as they were over 14 years ago when I first recieved it (still trying to remember from who or where...hmm)

But isn't that prayer so true of us? I especially feel it is true of my own life lately: praying everyday for a job next year, but determined to do it on my own; knowing I need to trust God, but keeping my walls up for fear of being disappointed; feeling in my heart that God is really there, yet questioning the existence of the enormity of it all. The honesty of the prayer just spoke to me.

Feeling so overwhelmed lately, so stressed and anxious about my future career, while still dealing with my current job...I've forgotten about the truly beautiful things in life. And the most beautiful of them all: my delicate relationship with the big-guy.

Yes, something beautiful was found today. But it wasn't just the prayer :)

xoxo

Getting out of the rut!

I've been feeling like I'm in a rut lately. A major "I-need-a-change-but-have-no-time-for-ANYthing" kind of rut. And it has been eating away at me for months! Basically since track season started in January. Don't get me wrong, I love coaching track. It's amazing to see students grow and develop outside of the classroom setting, to get to know them and their interests, and to really see them excel at something they love athletically. But any coach can tell you: it's hard work. And any track coach can tell you: it's a freaking LONG season!!! January-March, I was go-go-go: wake up, rush to get ready, work, track practice, work out, dinner, shower, sleep...do it all over again. Weekends somehow did not allow much down-time either. But those first few days of April, when the Chicago-land area saw a few amazing days of sunshine and 70 degree weather, it got me in the mood to break my rut and get myself ready for summer-time and the relaxation of not stressing over work or coaching.

So lately I've been making some time within my crazy schedule to make some small changes here or there in my home and life, to break up this RUT! Some changes/additions as of lately:

Buying some spring- and summer-inspired outfits:

Floral skirt from Ann Taylor LOFT, found here

Silk pleated tank top from Banana Republic, found here

Striped nautical dress from J.Crew, found here

Nothing says "summah time!" to me more than pastel colors and the nautical theme!

Cleaning and organizing messy areas in my house:

The closet floor I haven't seen since last summer, and 3 large garbage bags of clothes lighter after donations! I can now actually find the matches to shoes in the morning, and all my purses are stacked and lined up so nicely instead of thrown up top in a big pile of sloppiness!

Bathroom linen closet - the last time I saw empty shelf space was when we moved in 10 years ago...yikes! I'm still shocked at how much hair product and lotion I have. Please nobody buy me lotion or a gift card to Ulta again for a LONG time!! ;)

These are just a few things I've been able to accomplish, or made time to actually go up to the mall (rather than online shop from the couch) to buy. Next thing on my list: organize the obnoxiously disorganized desk in my room, and go get a massage!!

Hoping everyone out there is finding time to prevent themselves from getting stuck in a rut!! :)

xoxo

Four Years...

Four years ago today my Pappa Olivieri lost his battle with lymphoma. I could write the longest blog on stories of him, what he meant to me, and how I know his legacy continues to live on. Instead, I'm just going to share pictures. After all, I know he's watching over me right now, thinking of all the same memories I am, cherishing every moment we spent together.

Until we meet again, Pappa. Love you and miss you everyday. <3

While the Parents are Away, the Girly Will Play

Moving back home after college was supposed to be a temporary thing, yet here I am almost 2 years later...still with mom and dad. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind living at home, saving money, and having meals cooked for me on a regular basis. But after living on my own for a while, it sure is difficult to balance the "doing my own thing" with the "living under the parents roof thing." My mom really is my best friend, I love our mother-daughter times (pedicures, shopping, and project runway marathons)! And my dad is hilarious, he's just a big kid in a 47-year-old's body, and I know I can talk to him about anything and everything. But sometimes, I just need some ME-time!

Wednesday my parents left for Florida, and won't be home until tomorrow. I wasn't too phased by it because I knew this was a busy busy weekend with track meets, so no big deal...not like I would have really seen my parents anyways or had time to plan things with friends. However, thanks to this LOVELY weather we've been having, our track meet was cancelled Friday. So I figured it was perfect for me to just have a short practice with the guys, then go home and relax and get a good nights sleep before our big meet Saturday (today). And what do you know! ...the big meet in Ottawa, that was going to take up my day from about 9am until about 8pm out in the cold, windy, grey weather was cancelled due to 40 mph winds and snow.

Now, I could have went home (after showing up at the school and telling the bus driver we didn't need her), crawled back in bed and slept for a few more hours, then gone shopping (spending too much money most likely), and made plans to go out for the night. But as I was driving home from my super long day (you know, about a total of 8 minutes at the school), I realized, you know what? Today is a perfect day for a ME-day.

So, I got in my very cozy pj's and slipper socks, caught up on a little bit of my DVR, did the big pile of laundry that I've been putting off, finished a few more pages of my scrapbook that I haven't even touched since last summer, managed to apply for 2 more job openings (in Colorado, woo hoo!), ventured out into the rain to drop off dry cleaning and to purchase the new Harry Potter DVD (yes, super important part of my day), painted my nails the most perfect shade of hot pink for the summer time, went grocery shopping, and decided to make myself an awesome feast.

**Note: 2 days ago I posted about trying the vegan lifestyle. Though, I did not clarify that I am easing my way into it. I'm just starting with some vegan-type dinners, seeing how I like it, and then continuing on (or not...)

So I made my first vegan dinner tonight. All for myself. I did, however, make sure that I had a nice glass of wine :)

...a very messy kitchen

...Mushroom Ragu pasta sauce almost done!

delish! :)(I was only able to eat about 1/8 of this huge bowl of pasta mushroom ragu, but it tasted so amazing! The parents have lunch and dinner for the next few days!)

To finish off the night...this is how I ended my "ME-day":



This ME-day was much needed. I accomplished so much that I haven't really had time for, pampered myself, and enjoyed some quiet in the house. Right about now, its almost 11pm on a Saturday night and I am perfectly ready to curl up in bed, in even cozier pj's than I've had on all day, and fall asleep watching some TV.

Yes, while the parents are away, I certainly know how to go crazy...and I've loved every second of it :)

Refreshing Read!

I just finished an amazing book today. Now, I love reading, and very rarely do I find a book that I don't like. But every once in a while I find a book that hits just the right spot. War, love, determination, obstacles, success and failures, family (blood and the family you make by association), history, monarchy, religion, and the major questions of life that we all ask ourselves at some point. Ken Follet nailed it with his book The Pillars of the Earth.

It's a long book, and took me a while to get through, but there was not one page that didn't captivate my attention. I've never related more to characters in a book, nor felt the pain of their hardships and sorrows and rejoice with their successes and triumphs, than with this book.

This is a book I more than highly suggest. Prepare yourself for a book you just cannot put down, and find yourself scheduling time just for Prior Phillip, Tom Builder, Lady Aliena, and Jack Jackson, and waiting on pins and needles to see if William Hamleigh finally gets what he deserves.

side note: Showtime recently did an 8-peice mini-series of Pillars of the Earth. I'm actually not a fan. I'd suggest reading the book first. The series was totally different and did not do justice to the novel...yet Ken Follett did the mini-series as well!! Yikes.

No more meat?!

Hello again, blog world. I somehow have over 100 views, which is shocking because I don't even know who reads this! And I've been absent a while. After my last post, track season began. I coach both boys and girls, so along with practices, splitting my time between the boys and girls meets, work, job hunting, etc...I sometimes wonder how I even have time to sleep (not much sleep, but a few hours has been sufficient enough for my crazy work weeks. On my weekends, I feel like all I do is laundry, clean, apply for more jobs, and do more laundry, and clean even more. Are you surprised to hear that I haven't done ANY shopping in the past few months (except for the basic necessities of bubble bath stuff and toothpaste...)

With every day feeling busier than the last, I have found myself gaining some weight. NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! Aren't you supposed to gain weight around Thanksgiving/Christmas? Not Easter, right before bikini season!! I've been struggling with different ways to keep off the lb's, but I still find myself snacking way too much, and half-assing my workouts.

So, I've come up with a new plan. Something I've been reading into, watching blog videos on, and researching: I'm going to try the vegan lifestyle. Yup, you read that right. Do I plan on doing it for life? No. But I'm going to give it a try through the summer, and see how it goes. I've weighed the pros and cons, and it seems like the only cons are really that you don't eat certain foods that you might consider "comfort foods"...okay, so I'll miss my cheddar goldfish for a while. I'll miss fried chicken and tenderloins. I'll every once in a while have a craving for a big juicy cheddar bacon burger, and I'll miss ordering my eggs sunny-side up. (Okay, now I'm unbearably hungry!)

BUT...if I can start living this healthier lifestyle (with food that actually looks pretty darn tasty), then I'll be happier with myself. I'm not really loving the way my body looks and feels lately, so maybe I need a big change. This could fail miserably, or could be the start of a new and healthier me! So, here it goes...adios comfort food!


P.S. for the recipes I'm starting out with, you can visit this website: www.veganchef.com - some of these dishes actually look amazing, and I'm very excited to get started!